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All I’ve ever wanted is someone to hold me, to protect me. In this way, we inherit the rapes of our ancestors.

These things are cyclical: he was himself horribly abused in residential school as a boy, I later learned.

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PHOTOGRAPHY BY DAVID LIPNOWSKI FOR THE GLOBE AND MAIL It was late on Jan. There had been people around them for hours but he came to the door the moment they were alone, as though he’d been waiting outside for the others to leave.

He was dressed in black and they recognized him from news coverage, though they couldn’t quite place it at the time.

Because I was abused at a young age, I wanted to die from a young age. Nobody wants to play with you—other children don’t understand why you’re crying. You become so desensitized to violence that you expect it. I believe I went through all that suffering and pain so I could help other women heal, and get clean.

My brother called it “torture house.” An eight-year-old barricading the door to protect herself is not normal; but when you grow up like that, you think everyone lives that way. When you’re victimized as a child it really isolates you. It got to the point where I couldn’t make money because of the way I looked: I had no teeth, no hair. Only now that I’m clean do I understand how badly I screwed over my three children. I would get my four-year-old to watch for police while I cut up cocaine. He had the childhood we all deserved: he didn’t have to worry about how his parents were going to pay the bills or someone coming into his room at night. I’m an elder and counsellor now: I lead sharing circles and a women’s sweat lodge.

An accountant, a chief, a nurse, a student, a counsellor—each of them came close to being on Canada's list of missing and murdered Indigenous women. I only got away because he happened to drag me toward some people. I begged for their help, but they wouldn’t [help me]: That’s the part that hurts so much. No matter what I was offered, I refused to leave the downtown.

Thirteen remarkable women tell their extraordinary stories of terrible violence and formidable resilience—stories that, as one survivor hopes, will serve as 'a pay-it-forward of women sharing their pain and triumph.’ By Nancy Macdonald The scariest feeling in the world is knowing you’re going to die a violent, painful, terrifying death. Am I not valuable enough a human being that you can’t even help me when I’m getting raped?

“They didn’t believe I was going down there and not working, and that was all, one-hundred percent, based on assumption by the officers,” said Rook. In the course of nine hours, Rook said he heard the same questions over and over, and was even forced to supply his social media and email passwords so his private correspondence could be read.

“We were polite to this guy the entire time, and they kept us there for nine hours.” The official U. Customs and Border Protection document, banning him for five years, reads: “You are intending on setting up residence in L. to find work as an actor.” But Rook says he was heading south to vacation and to line up job offers, as required for the visa he plans to obtain. “What’s scary, is they ask specific questions and you give answers, but they keep demanding more,” said Rook.

But nothing could ever hurt me the way being sexually abused as a girl did. You know, I can’t think of any of the girls I worked with on the street who weren’t abused as kids. Growing up, there were parties, and people coming in and out of my kokum’s home. I wasn’t doing it for a good time: it would make me pass out. I know a lot of people who go to bed with a hit or a bottle by the bed so they don’t have to wake up and feel anything. I was so deep into my addiction I would leave them with a babysitter for three, four days. Only now are we breaking the cycle: my eldest grandson is an aspiring NFL football player.

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