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I sometimes go into his office and we just, you know, talk about my work.”And then I’ll yawn, as if this is no big deal to me at all.

September–October 1986I start dating a beautiful fellow writer named Paula Redick, who is in the year ahead of me. We get engaged in three weeks, a Syracuse Creative Writing Program record that, I believe, still stands.

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Toby takes Paula to lunch, asks if she is sure about this, the implication being, she might want to give this a little additional thought. I go forward and lose all of the magic, for the rest of my time in grad school and for several years thereafter.

Later That Semester At a party, I go up to Toby and assure him that I am no longer writing the silly humorous crap I applied to the program with, i.e., the stuff that had gotten me into the program in the first place. “Just don’t lose the magic.”I have no idea what he’s talking about. Every Monday night, Doug’s workshop meets at his house.

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And an audience of our peers is going to be sitting there, wincing or declining to laugh or nodding off? Writing is about charm, about finding and accessing and honing ones’ particular charms. The talk he gives us is beautiful, honest, courageous, totally generous. He clearly adores them, takes visible pleasure in them, dotes on them. Almost at the End of That First Semester I notice that Doug has an incredible natural enthusiasm for anything we happen to get right. When he comes across a beautiful story in a magazine, he shares it with us. In Syracuse, the cheerleading squad is about equal in status to the Mayor. But no: instead, here come the chastened cheerleaders, humbly toting their boom box, muttering obscenities. We feel that the importance of what we are doing has been defended.

To say that “a light goes on” is not quite right—it’s more like: a fixture gets installed. He shows us where the reviewer was wrong—but also where the reviewer might have gotten it right. I have always thought great writers had to be dysfunctional and difficult, incapable of truly loving anything, too insane and unpredictable and tortured to cherish anyone, or honor them, or find them beloved. Doug gives me the single greatest bit of advice on writing dialogue I have ever heard. If someone else experiences a success, he celebrates it. We think of how we might console Professor Wolff if he returns with an S. We feel that, even if we are members of a marginalized cult, our cult is tougher and more resilient than theirs, and has cooler leadership.

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